In which I likely offend gay people, flamers, adoptive parents, and even Michael Jackson.

Posted by admin on August 9th, 2009 filed in General, Parenting

The other day I watched a Momversation video about how you would feel if your child turned out to be gay.  You know, I really don’t think I’d mind.  Several things:  1) I want my kids to be happy, to find love, and to feel free to be attracted to whatever it is they find beautiful.  2) I don’t really want my kids to turn out just like me.  You could fill a whole book about why you should not do it the way I did, since it means you’ll end up with a degree you’ve never used, a student loan payment, and a family feud that keeps you up at night wondering what you did.  But besides that, I want my kids to be their own people.  What’s the fun in having a clone of myself?  I will hopefully give them a set of values and some wisdom and they’ll find their own way to be.  3) I don’t subscribe to a religion or any other belief system that views homosexuality as wrong.  I really don’t see what’s so damning about it.

Some of the moms in the video had concerns about what a hard life their kids would have if they were gay, especially if they lived in an unaccepting area.  No offense to the plight of the struggling homosexual teen, but don’t we all have hard lives?  I was just mentioning to Jo that I went to school with a boy who was rich and fairly good looking, but he still got made fun of and, I suspect, beaten up.  Look at recently deceased Michael Jackson – fame, fortune, plastic surgery, rights to all those Beatles songs, and still he was a tortured soul.  Striving to obtain our culture’s idea of normal – good looks, money, spouse of the opposite sex and 2.5 kids – isn’t going to make you happy if that’s not who you are.  I think being gay would make you an easy target, but so would anything that makes you different, like being fat or too smart.  Kids are going to find something to give you a hard time about no matter what.  That’s what bullies do, right on through adulthood.  There’s always going to be a playground pecking order.  Probably the lower you are on it, the more personality you will have to develop.  When we were picking names for our kids, plenty of people told us that a normal name would be best so our children wouldn’t get made fun of.  We decided on some uncommon names with the idea in mind that they are going to get made fun of about something, no matter what we do.  People have ordinary expectations of people with ordinary names, and I don’t want my kids to think they came from a cookie cutter.  If that means they explore homosexuality later, that’s fine with me.

Maybe being gay does mean it’s a harder life.  There are a lot of people ready to discriminate out there.  But, there are also a lot of people who have faced and overcome discrimination.  Gay people, black people, immigrants.  If they can do it, so can my kids.  Our time is more tolerant than ever before.

I feel the need to define some terms here.  I simply define being homosexual as being attracted to the same sex.  It’s just a matter of acknowledging your preference between men and women.  I think that becoming a flamer or a more reserved homosexual is as much a lifestyle choice as becoming an emo kid or an erudite college professor is.  I think when we grow up, we all assemble an identity.  Some are more pronounced and easy to recognize, like the flamer, and others are more subtle amalgamations, like a mechanic who also reads, cooks, and gardens.  We all have an internal struggle to discover who we are independent of what our parents have made us.

So while I don’t mind if my kids are gay, I do hope that they do not become flamers.  To be honest, I don’t think we’d have much in common if that happened, just as if they turned out to be football jocks.  I certainly wouldn’t disown them or anything and I’m not trying to be prejudice here.  I’m just saying there are lifestyles that I understand and ones I don’t.  I’m sure there are people a plenty out there that would be appalled at all the extra weight I carry around and how I manage to only apply makeup like twice a year.  Again, no offense is intended to anyone here. I’m sure we can all agree that no one gets along with every single personality type out there all the time.

Anyway, here is the one thing that the women in the video did not mention and also the only objection I’d have to homosexuality, and it’s an utterly selfish reason.  I want grandchildren.  Getting grankids has changed my mother’s life, she is transformed.  I really want that for myself.  Having kids is one thing I’ve done right with my life, so naturally I want my children to experience this joy for themselves.  I realize there’s no guarantee that my kids will reproduce if they are heterosexual.  Like I said, if the American Dream isn’t you, including the part about kids, then you aren’t going to be happy striving for it.  But I think it would be wonderful to go through the journey of pregnancy with Magdalena and maybe even attend the birth.  I want to go to the hospital to see her after the baby is born and fill her arms with at least $400 worth of roses, while I hold the baby, of course.  I want to see Beren cradle his newborn child and look upon him, just like I remember Bert doing in the days after he became a father.  I will love having the grandkids over so I can fill them with cookies and then send them home to the parents.

A gay couple could always adopt.  Nathan and Marguerite have taught me just how quickly an adopted child can find his or her way into our hearts and family.  I don’t know how easy it is for a homosexual couple to actually adopt a child.  I do know that it takes very special people with great fortitude of heart to adopt.  It’s not going to work for everyone since there is so much heartache and money and waiting and worrying involved.  But, if that’s the path my children take, I’m sure they’ll manage it.  Others have faced this challenge and prevailed, so will they.

So, kids, if you’re reading this, I don’t care what your orientation is, but I would like grandbabies some day.  Besides that, unless someone is hurting or forcing you, I shouldn’t factor into your preferences.  The end!

One Response to “In which I likely offend gay people, flamers, adoptive parents, and even Michael Jackson.”

  1. jo Says:

    Yes! Yes! and Yes! I am right with you on the same page. I hope that humanity will condemn homosexuality less and less on our march towards greater civilization. (I hope we are marching in that direction anyway…) Thanks for a great post!

    And about grandchildren, I think about age factoring into us meeting any grandchildren. If Abby waits anywhere near as long as we did, we will be in our 80’s before she has a child!

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