Things that make me throw up a little and other gross things

Posted by admin on October 24th, 2009 filed in Baby, Food, General, Pregnancy, Video Games

Things that make me throw up?  Oh no!  I’m turning into one of those bloggers that posts about things no one cares about, like what they had for breakfast!  That’s not going to stop me from telling you about the following though.  Ha ha ha ha ha!

1) Lego Star Wars for the Gamecube.  Bert insists it was not the game that caused the throw-up problem, but rather pregnancy.  Then why do the adorable animated Lego brick people still give me that special feeling almost 4 years later?  Hmm?

2) Cream of chicken soup.  Same reason as above, aversion acquired on the same day.

3) Heavenly Ham’s chicken salad sandwich with grapes and havarti.  I ate so many of these while I was pregnant and nauseous that it almost makes the pregnancy “feelings” “resurface” every time.

4) Two very nice shirts that I bought to wear to my job in the coffee shop last year.  I had wondered why I was avoiding putting these shirts on.  I tried it the other day and couldn’t get the smell of stale coffee and espresso machine cleaner out of my nose.  The shirts don’t actually smell like that.  I just remembered it so clearly from my pregnant and morning sick days that I thought I could smell it.  And then I felt sick all over again and had to take the shirts off.  That’s sad.

5) Target’s store brand 40% zinc oxide diaper ointment.  This costs less than half the name brand Desitin, and there is a reason.  A big, smelly reason.  It reeks of perfumed cod liver oil.  It has lanolin in it too, which doesn’t bother me so much, unless I think about it.  That cold liver oil is just too much, and the smell really clings to you.  What did mothers do before there were tubes of diaper rash ointment?  I can see it now:

New mother to her mother:  Mom, what do I do about baby’s rash?

Old mother (removing corked ceramic jar labeled with a fish from the shelf):  It’s simple.  First you take no less than 3 livers of cod.  Squeeze them individually betwixt your thumb and forefinger until they begin to emit.

(The new mother waits for the punch line.  Her expectant smile fades abruptly when she realizes this is not a joke.  The old mother begins to demonstrate with a deft and practiced hand.)

Old mother:  Next you swab baby’s bottom with the prepared fish livers.  Always go in the prescribed manner and NEVER go back to front.

New mother:  Mom, are you a witch?

Old mother (reaching out window and picking up a small, grazing sheep):  Seal in the fishy scented oil with some fresh lanolin.  Wring the sheep just so and you’ll see the thick, natural wool conditioner gather on baby’s bottom.

Baby:  Ah-boo!  Ah-boo!

Old mother:  Now you have to pick out all the sticks and bugs that get stuck in unfiltered lanolin.  They will reverse the diaper rash cure charm if you leave them there to poke and bite.

New mother:  You want me to put sheep extract on my baby?

Old mother:  Yes, and on your nipples when you get sore from nursing.

New mother:  Are you sure you aren’t a witch?

Megan’s conclusion:  Ointment manufacturers are a witch.

4 Responses to “Things that make me throw up a little and other gross things”

  1. jo Says:

    Shop and Save by BAM has a certain odor that prevented me from going in there when I was most nauseous, and while I can actually go in the store now, it always brings back those “memories.”

  2. admin Says:

    Oh man, the butcher shop near here does that to me too.

    PS – I was thinking about the green-skinned, warty-nosed, pointy-hatted witches that you see depicted at Halloween, not making a jab at any modern practitioners.

  3. Rebecca Says:

    Really funny post! If I had been drinking milk, it would be out my nose. There was a smell at work of a particular styrofoam packing material that I still associate with morning sickness too. Too bad about the shirts!

  4. admin Says:

    Haha, thanks! I’m glad to know I’m not alone in the smell/morning sickness thing.