A play in one act. By Megan

Posted by admin on September 2nd, 2008 filed in Cats, General, Writings and Musings

Morning.  Enter Megan, sleepy and bleary eyed. The loud chirping noise of a bug rings throughout the stage as though speakers have been placed behind every piece of furniture and like the noise is a recording being played in a never-ending loop, but it becomes apparent the chipper little noise originates from an insect hiding in the rainbow ship kite suspended from the ceiling in the corner.


Megan:  Cats!  Come here!  I have treats!

Enter cats – Captain, Sara, Echo, Dinkle.  They look around expectantly.

Echo:  Where are the treats?

Megan:  There aren’t any.  I just wanted you to come here.

All cats:  We’re gone!

Cats turn to leave, but Megan points angrily at the kite and the bug concealed within.

Megan:  WAIT!  I haven’t had any sleep because of this noisy bug.  I’m going to run errands now.  When the bug comes out, please get it.  You guys have to earn your keep around here somehow.

Exit Megan, stage left.  Her shirt is on inside out and she has developed a facial tic during the night.

Captain:  Do you think she was serious about us exterminating that bug?

Dinkle:  I don’t know.  It’s so high up there and we don’t have any hands.

Echo:  She meant it all right.  She was muttering during her small bouts of sleep about eradicating by any means necessary all insect life and anything else that would dare to invade her home.

Sara:  Bugs have wings!

Dink:  Anything else that invades?  Oh!  Did she mean that mouse?

Captain:  Man, you should have seen her face the other night when she stumbled out of bed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  She almost stepped on the mouse we were toying with.

Echo:  Yeah, we were herding it around and taking playful swipes at it.  It was great!  She was all like, “Why aren’t you cats killing it?  Get rid of it!  I don’t want mice around!”

Dink:  And then we all gave her a look like she was intruding and interfering with our business.  That made her go away!

Sara:  Where’s a mouse?

The other cats shrug their kitty shoulders and look around, wondering the same thing.

Echo:  Well, let’s make a plan to catch this bug before — HEY!!!  SUNBEAMS!!!

All 4 cats nap in the sun for the next 6 hours, occasionally getting up to eat lots of cat food and fill the litter box.  They do not do any laundry or dishes.

Megan enters, looking no better than when she left.  Maybe a little worse.  The bug is still audible.

Megan:  Cats!  I thought I told you to kill that bug!

Echo:  Um.  We tried, but there was a problem.

Captain:  Yeah, it was, ah, no ordinary bug.

Dinkle:  Right!  We had the boat surrounded and told him to come out with legs, hands, antennae —

Sara:  And thorax!

Dinkle:  — up!

Captain:  And then he came out and he was huge and angry!


Echo:  But his blood thirsty and rabid countenance wasn’t all!  He, um, had a hat!


Dinkle:  And a mustache!


Captain:  Yeah, you could tell he was really evil and also endowed with super powers.  Look how big he is!

Sara:  Woah, that’s one scary bug!

Megan realizes her cats are not only talking, but lying to her, and has a short, but serious, nervous breakdown and goes to bed.  Exit Megan.  The bug, which is tiny, hatless, and lacking in facial hair and magical powers, emerges from the ship.


Sara:  BUG!

Dink:  Squeeee!  Let’s get it!

All cats happily pursue the bug while Megan is heard weeping the next room.  

The end.

2 Responses to “A play in one act. By Megan”

  1. Jo Says:

    Ha ha! I love your story. Your cats must be related to mine. We used to have those bugs in the bushes right outside our front door in Florida and as much as I love bugs, there was many a night when I would go out there with a flashlight and a pair of scissors and decapitate those little noisemakers!

  2. admin Says:

    Thanks! To be fair, I should mention that Dink is an excellent babysitter. At 3 years, she is the youngest kitty and has the most energy. She can keep Beren busy for a good half hour.

    Update: I caught the bug and released him into the tree outside the bathroom window. I haven’t heard him since.

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